Where's my beginning?

A month has passed since my last post about my "new beginning", BUT, my beginning hasn't started yet!

Since the last month, I've been trying to feel enthusiastic again about my whole teaching experience. I've been feeling down, still lost, and annoyed by all the things going on at the center. I was also feeling so guilty about not being my full self for my students, but I hope I had my reasons.

Back to the present, and today in specific, I've been told that a new teacher is coming and I'm supposed to divide the class into 2. After all the hard work and preparations, 3 students (or 1) are leaving me, and when was I told? after more than a month. In fact, I was supposed to know about this since last term, but whom am I talking to?!

Anyways, so I divided the class into 2! H, A, & R in one class, and the other will have G & 2 more new students. Now it's REALLY hard for me to choose between them. I need to sort out my mind and list down the reasons on which I should base my decision upon.

CLASS (1): H,R,A

• I worked VERY hard to achieve their goals last year
• I am able to build on what they have already achieved because I am very aware of their abilities and what theyre capable of
• I will start immediately with their IEP's since I've already finished my assessments and their IEP's
• Working with them is very challenging
• I'm worried that the other teacher might not be happy to be with them because of their limited cognitive skills & behavioral challenges

CLASS (2): G+2 new students

• I am so interested to work with new cases
• I need some CHANGE
• I feel like working with students of a higher level since the Portage curriculum is getting boring
• There's a high chance that one of the new students will get included into a regular school, and INCLUSION is my very beloved area
• Leaving G will be a very painful experience

I can't think of reasons why I do NOT want to teach any of the 2 classes, because if it was up to me, I would've kept them all for myself.

I am very confused, very very very confused. It's so hard to give up any of them, but again, I'm not supposed to get THAT emotionally attached to them, because I'll have to leave them sooner or later.

A new beginning

I already started my second year of teaching a week ago. Although I have prepared every single thing last term, but I still feel kinda lost. Ofcourse, a lot of that has to do with administrative things; for example: not knowing who my students are for this year, which is the most major thing ever!

Other than that, I have only met H & A until now. H's physical status is worse than last term but she's still a cute social princess. However, A was brainwashed by all the bad language used at home, and thats what I have been listening to ever since he started school! His behavior is still kinda the same, although he spit on me on the very first day, but he had his reasons!

I don't really know why I'm not VERY excited about teaching. Maybe its because I'm confused, its Ramadan, and not all my students showed up. I hope I get the energy I need for this term because there will be LOTS of work, especially if I got new students into my classroom.

Thats my overview for the first week. More weeks to come!