My students

My brain has been working so hard since I started school. And I still feel lost and confused about a lot of things going on around. Things that are hard to undesrstand, process, accept, and solve. Its like I make a decision to work on a specific problem in a specific student, but I end up thinking of all problems, in all students! It feels like being in a maze. You think you're kinda near the exit, but you get dissapointed to realize that you need to go through another path.

Starting with my class. And to be more specific, starting with my A. I went through times whenI really hated him. I mean HATE. I couldnt look at him, work with him, or even smile to him! Maybe I was very dissapointed with myself since I havent find a solution to his behavioral problem yet. Maybe I feel so weak, so useless around him. I see my failure in him. So I decided to avoid him for a couple of weeks until I heard that some teacher shouted at him like he was some kind of a discusting insect. Just because he was sitting innocently in her classroom, for 5 minuetes. GUILT, GUILT, & more GUILT. So the first step was: love him, in order to accept him. I just wanted him to enter my heart, and for me to enter his. I wanted him to know that I am his teacher, and I care. I spent some time with him and was able to see his life story through his eyes. I knew he was being physically abused at home. I mean he blinks so hard when I try to touch him and I directly see fear in his eyes as I come close to put my arms around him. So yes, love was the first step. I played with him, cuddled him (YEAH I DID THAT), and I had to switch off my breathing system just to forget all about the small annoying things in him. He responded so well, like a baby waiting to be held with love. He actually reached a stage where he couldnt let me go. El7imdilla =) Now I can start the intervention process. And I know I can do it. I will.

My H is getting so much better! Now she can move her arms, and she says one name!

G is responding so well. She knows I'm her teacher and when I say something she HAS to do it. I love her smartness. Although she cant hear, cant see, nor she can swallow/breath well, yet she still fights back. Such a miracle. I have plans for her and I really hope she'll do more than anyone else expects. I dont just hope, I promise.

R is living in real chaos. Moving between mom, dad, sister, aunt, nanny. She's always nervous and feeling anxious. But I know deep inside that she understands very well whats going on around her. Its just that her emotional problems are affecting her, and I wish her 'loving' mother would actually see that!!

My last plan is to develop the center. There are so many ways in which we can get money, and I dont care what I WILL GO THROUGH as long as those poor students get their FULL RIGHT to a receive a high quality education just like any other student. This should be my main goal and nothing should stop me from achieving that. I dont care how long it might take, or how much I'll be going through. I know this process of 'begging' is such a KILLER. But insha'Allah He will be there to ease off my path, as long as I keep the good neyya in my heart.