I chose to stay away.
Right now, all I'm thinking of is H, G, & my little M. No R. No A. Or at least, not that much. Ofcourse it took a lot of time to convince myself that it was for the best. I had to re-evaluate my priorities and place them in the right order. That it was a hopeless situation for R and A based on my past experience working with their families, especially when A came back this year with the same exact behavior of last year, and R coming to school once a week.
Working with 3 students is much more fun than having 5 at the same time. Well, fun isn't the right word, but it made my days at school go in a much more organized way, which is what I really really really needed. PLUS, my students are developing at a MUCH faster rate, which is very positive!
Other than that, I have stopped teaching since around 3 weeks because of our PLAY. Its what everyone at the center AND ministry has been talking about and waiting for. 18th of December, thats the date when our students will get the chance to walk on stage and to be clapped for, for the very first time in their lives. And I'm so glad I'll be a part of it.
So, work. I love teaching. I love my students. Got the point. But I feel there's something missing. Although I'm going to those so-called workshops and all, but I'm not learning. I'm not developing. I'm still reading books, and digging in all the possible topics related to the field of special needs, but I'm not learning. Not the kind of learning that would provide me with the experience I need. What I want is hands on experience, working with professionals, trying out new strategies and creating ones! Everything seems to be so limited where I stand right now. Its like Im just giving and teaching and teaching and teaching.
My conclusion is: I will never ever reach what I want if I stay where I am.
My decision is: Leave once I get the chance to.
And by chance, I mean a chance for me to be in a place where I can learn, develop, and be creative. Thats my decision. For now.
2 comments:
The keyword in the definition of development is always 'change.' The ability to change that basic routine is very hard to attain in the first place. But, judging by your level of perseverance, i'm sure you'll be able to develop more and more by time. Hopefully, the way you're giving those kids would someday payoff more than you'd ever imagine :)
As for their show, i wish i could attend. I'm sure there's nothing that would make you, or myself, happier than watching these kids smile to an audience's applause. There's nothing more wonderful than watching them interact with everyone else.
Once again :) don't let yourself be put down by development. If there's anyone who's willing and able to do it, i'd point my finger towards you. Your hard work will not go to waste and your development will come one way or another.
All the best, as always.
S2
S2: Maybe I am developing after all. I am changing. But in ways that I haven't really noticed. I used to always measure 'professional development' through the number of workshops I attend, courses, bla bla. But when I thought of it, the development I was looking for is not there. Instead, I'm developing as a person, a human being, a teacher. My view to the world and others has changed so much. Every single student has affected me in a different way. And thats the kind of development I wouldnt have found in any other work environment. Thats whats keeping my positive-ness!
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