7th IEP

I met with RA's mother the other day. As I very well expected, his mother has absolutely no idea about how to deal with her son, which made me feel sorry for her.

I don't really know what exactly affects "good" parenting of a child with special needs. I have parents who know every single thing about their child and his or her disability in terms of techniques or medical approaches available for their case etc etc although they have other children besides this child, although they are working mothers, no matter how 'severe' the case is, they still do believe in their child and know exactly what the strengths and weaknesses are.

Other parents, RA's in specific is of a different case. I stayed analyzing her personality and the reasons why she might lack enough knowledge about how to take care of RA. First of all, she got married at a very young age (16 years old) and having a child with special needs at such a young age could've been a shock for her. She has this image of RA being a 'normal' child but a little 'naughtier' than the others. She does not understand his behavior, and from what I've seen, RA still hasn't gain the concept of punishment and reward. He does not realize that oops I've done something wrong and I will be punished for it and mommy's gonna be angry at me! In fact, he is still not able to differentiate between those different feelings an adult might expose him to. And sadly, she's been physically punishing him so hard to MAKE him understand.

I really think that parents of children with special needs in general are always always blamed for the way they treat their child and how theyre careless at some times and bla bla..but really..when you actually sit with them and know what theyre going through, its just heart breaking. They need guidance. And we are required to provide them with guidance and support and forgiveness for the little mistakes that they might do. I can not blame RA's mother for physically punishing RA because we as special educators are the ones RESPONSIBLE for guiding her through this very challenging experience. A lot of you might go like oh my god how could she lay a hand at such an innocent child and you would honestly feel sorry for him. But you would never imagine how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs. Not even myself, his teacher.

For now, it seems that I need to prepare a new IEP: for RA's mother. Its not about him now, its about creating a healthy relationship between him and his mother based on understanding and help her overcome this whole confusion state that she's going through.

As a special educator, as a teacher in this field, you find out that its never really about the child alone. Working with children with special needs require efforts with the child, his parents, his family, the whole team and community. We are very responsible for this child's whole life and we must interfere with all the aspects of it. Teaching is so much more than matching colors and shapes. Its about creating a clear path, a safe one, for this child to continue going through even when you are not around.