I feel so much hurt today. In so much pain. I just felt that I hate everything that has to do with the center. Everyone. Including myself. Its just hard to blame yourself for doing the RIGHT thing for a student, a human being. Those in the center need to be reminded that we are dealing here with HUMAN BEINGS. Helpless souls that Allah has created and will definitely y7asib whoever is not being fair to them. I've already decided that I'm going to shut up and lock myself in my cubicle. The only thing that made me leave my cubicle is little R. To leave, go to his classroom, hold his hand, and bring him in. And that was after receiving orders (which by the way were given by chance in the corridor).
I talked to the 'psychologist' very respectfully yesterday about why I DO NOT want to attend the first meeting with R's mother to tell her about her son's case. The ones who were supposed to attend were the psychologist since SHE was the one who told the mom that her son is perfectly NORMAL. Plus our director who decided out of the blues to invite R to my classroom last Sunday. And the social worker, just as a decoration. That was just yesterday.
Little R's mother came in today, for the second time, a day before her actual meeting. She pops in during classtime. Her face is pale, bloodless. Tears in her eyes. Her voice is not very clear. The psychologist acts as if she's in her very own classroom and asks her to STAY with R and the rest of us. He starts to cry hysterically and hangs on to her abaya. She indirectly blames ME for making him cry. She thinks he's normal and doesn't believe that any of the skills I teach in this class are important. All what she wants is her son to be in a different section, with normal-looking students, under the name of KG 1. She doesn't care if all he's learned last term was 'throw the tissue in the garbage'. She doesn't believe that her son suffers from any mental delay or motor impairments. R is normal.
It was very shocking. I just needed more time to arrange my thoughts. Going to the psychologist made it worse. I blamed myself for a second because I was the one who went into his classroom and held his hand that day. I was the one who kept on thinking of him all week because of what I've seen in his classroom and the kind of treatment he receives from his teachers. I was the one who wanted him in the classroom. Its all because of me. Well, these thoughts didn't last for a second, it was bit longer. Then I stopped, and reminded myself, "students come first."
I'm even more confused. Should I continue locking myself. Or should I make a big fuss of it? I feel like being stepped on. Its painful by all means. Everyone seems to blame me for accepting him in my class. Or do I deserve to be blamed? Anyways, its too late for that, and its too much for me to deal with. R is just one student out of 6 who still need me to continue teaching with my full potential. I'm not sure if I'm ready to fight a whole system which has been there since 20 years or so. A system that places the student LAST and specific people FIRST. A system that never appreciate hard work. A system that steps on weak people. A system that will never change.
3 comments:
Systems do change, but they require fights. I'm not the type of person who would watch this happen around me. As a legal guardian, R's mom was probably looking for the best for her son, though she does not know what the best is. Sometimes attempting to block painful thoughts is shown when people act in certain ways, and the pain she saw when her son was transferred to your section was the main reason for her fight to take him back.
The process to bring him to your class should have been totally different, and parents should be made aware of this transfer and the reasons why it happened in a reasonable fashion. They need to be slapped with reality, the fact that their sons or daughters are not what they tend to believe they are. This, as a bottom line, would be to the advantage of these young ones.
I would never tell you to just give in to this, its not fair for the kid and not fair for you as an educator. For the student, he's obviously not learning anything and is at the same time being treated in a way that doesn't lead to any development. For you as an educator, its your right to speak up for R, because these students look up to you or will do so one day, and fighting for them would build you as a person as well as build these young 'HUMAN BEINGS.'
The more you 'silence' yourself on these matters, the more people will take advantage of you. Lift your spirits because i know that you can do it one way or another. I know that you're right and you should fight for that fact.
Its really sad to see these things happening because the end result is a loss of education and a bad treatment for these little ones. Anyone with the capability to speak up does not only have the right to, but has a duty to do so.
Wish you the best of luck, always
S2
S2: I never really blamed R's mother. She's a mother of a child with special needs after all, and there's noway that I'll ever blame her. All she needs is guidance and a little understanding from our side. If this happened last year, I would have fought with all my strength, but I guess after all the dissapointments, I preferred being silent. To be honest with you, I have thought so much about the whole R issue, and I decided that I will fight, coz I know that the day will come when I'll hate myself and regret it. This fight is for R and his mother, and myself.
Thanks S2 :)
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