I had to scan through my posts for the past couple of years of teaching. It feels like being in some marathon where I was running and running not being able to catch my breath for a moment. Its just so fast how time is passing. Im a teacher already with 2 years of teaching experience. WOW..
I also noticed how less enthusiastic Ive been this past year. Perhaps its because of all the changes, pressure, and being affected by others behaviors. It was just too much for me to handle on a psychological level. BUT..my students progress was amazing..especially the 2 little princesses G & H..I've seen them grow every single day and I just cant describe how wonderful that feeling is.
Do I want to continue? Yes. I did have second thoughts about everything coz I did reach the point when I've had enough..but being with my students made it worth every moment of despair..the happiness that fills up my world when being surrounded by them always reminds me of how much I love what I'm doing, and I can never leave that behind and walk away..
For the last month, I havent really prepared anything for next year coz last year's preparations were stored somewhere in my shelves. This school is so unpredicatable where everyday or at least every thursday it must end with some surprise..and unpleasant one ofcourse..so I just decided to leave everything on hold until I get into my classroom and meet my students again..whether they'll be the same ones OR I will be expecting a number 7..8..or even 10..everything is possible..
miss you..always..
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
AEPS?!
I've been going every saturday to a VERY VERY interesting 'workshop'. Interesting in very special ways.
So this workshop was supposedly given by a dr.someone who translated a whole book that has assessments, evaluation forms, and curriculums for early intervention into Arabic. This curriculum has a lot of scoring, its international, very detailed and professional.
Arabic version: He translated the old edition. When he was done he realized that a new edition is produced. Okay now what should he do? AHA! Choose some stuff from the new one and add it to the other and maybe cancel some chapters of the test. Whatever. No one will notice. There you go. 4 huge boring books FULL of letters and words and spelling/vocab mistake. Translated word by word NOT by meaning. Stick the logo of the Ministry on the cover just for show-off. Hundreds of thousands for such crap.
I was angery, furious, extremely upset about how we tend to trust people and throw our money on things that are not even revised or certified! It was just so depressing and a waste of time. That person has supposedly earned a phd and he's responsible for the Masters program in a University that holds the name of my country. Such a shame.
Whats happening now is that we're so excited about borrowing everything from the West just to mention that OH our center uses AEPS or Portage or PECS or whatever. Its about the title not the content. Okay fine its such a great idea that we're actually translating curriculums but why can't we just do it the right way? hire the right people? follow the right procedure?
This workshop is about a new 'advanced' curriculum in the area of Early Intervention. It follows team approach and require family support. A very nice and optimistic curriculum. An interesting Arabic dude decided to translate it and unfortunately our Ministry paid him hundreds of thousands. The goal behind this workshop is for us to be able to traine the others in the center. But...
What I hate in some people is when they TALK about things that they do not know about. Is it very difficult for people to simply say 'I dont know?' Okay fine we get that you have a phd and bla bla..but it doesnt mean that u know it all !!!
So this workshop was supposedly given by a dr.someone who translated a whole book that has assessments, evaluation forms, and curriculums for early intervention into Arabic. This curriculum has a lot of scoring, its international, very detailed and professional.
Arabic version: He translated the old edition. When he was done he realized that a new edition is produced. Okay now what should he do? AHA! Choose some stuff from the new one and add it to the other and maybe cancel some chapters of the test. Whatever. No one will notice. There you go. 4 huge boring books FULL of letters and words and spelling/vocab mistake. Translated word by word NOT by meaning. Stick the logo of the Ministry on the cover just for show-off. Hundreds of thousands for such crap.
I was angery, furious, extremely upset about how we tend to trust people and throw our money on things that are not even revised or certified! It was just so depressing and a waste of time. That person has supposedly earned a phd and he's responsible for the Masters program in a University that holds the name of my country. Such a shame.
Whats happening now is that we're so excited about borrowing everything from the West just to mention that OH our center uses AEPS or Portage or PECS or whatever. Its about the title not the content. Okay fine its such a great idea that we're actually translating curriculums but why can't we just do it the right way? hire the right people? follow the right procedure?
Monday, May 4, 2009
7th IEP
I met with RA's mother the other day. As I very well expected, his mother has absolutely no idea about how to deal with her son, which made me feel sorry for her.
I don't really know what exactly affects "good" parenting of a child with special needs. I have parents who know every single thing about their child and his or her disability in terms of techniques or medical approaches available for their case etc etc although they have other children besides this child, although they are working mothers, no matter how 'severe' the case is, they still do believe in their child and know exactly what the strengths and weaknesses are.
Other parents, RA's in specific is of a different case. I stayed analyzing her personality and the reasons why she might lack enough knowledge about how to take care of RA. First of all, she got married at a very young age (16 years old) and having a child with special needs at such a young age could've been a shock for her. She has this image of RA being a 'normal' child but a little 'naughtier' than the others. She does not understand his behavior, and from what I've seen, RA still hasn't gain the concept of punishment and reward. He does not realize that oops I've done something wrong and I will be punished for it and mommy's gonna be angry at me! In fact, he is still not able to differentiate between those different feelings an adult might expose him to. And sadly, she's been physically punishing him so hard to MAKE him understand.
I really think that parents of children with special needs in general are always always blamed for the way they treat their child and how theyre careless at some times and bla bla..but really..when you actually sit with them and know what theyre going through, its just heart breaking. They need guidance. And we are required to provide them with guidance and support and forgiveness for the little mistakes that they might do. I can not blame RA's mother for physically punishing RA because we as special educators are the ones RESPONSIBLE for guiding her through this very challenging experience. A lot of you might go like oh my god how could she lay a hand at such an innocent child and you would honestly feel sorry for him. But you would never imagine how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs. Not even myself, his teacher.
For now, it seems that I need to prepare a new IEP: for RA's mother. Its not about him now, its about creating a healthy relationship between him and his mother based on understanding and help her overcome this whole confusion state that she's going through.
As a special educator, as a teacher in this field, you find out that its never really about the child alone. Working with children with special needs require efforts with the child, his parents, his family, the whole team and community. We are very responsible for this child's whole life and we must interfere with all the aspects of it. Teaching is so much more than matching colors and shapes. Its about creating a clear path, a safe one, for this child to continue going through even when you are not around.
I don't really know what exactly affects "good" parenting of a child with special needs. I have parents who know every single thing about their child and his or her disability in terms of techniques or medical approaches available for their case etc etc although they have other children besides this child, although they are working mothers, no matter how 'severe' the case is, they still do believe in their child and know exactly what the strengths and weaknesses are.
Other parents, RA's in specific is of a different case. I stayed analyzing her personality and the reasons why she might lack enough knowledge about how to take care of RA. First of all, she got married at a very young age (16 years old) and having a child with special needs at such a young age could've been a shock for her. She has this image of RA being a 'normal' child but a little 'naughtier' than the others. She does not understand his behavior, and from what I've seen, RA still hasn't gain the concept of punishment and reward. He does not realize that oops I've done something wrong and I will be punished for it and mommy's gonna be angry at me! In fact, he is still not able to differentiate between those different feelings an adult might expose him to. And sadly, she's been physically punishing him so hard to MAKE him understand.
I really think that parents of children with special needs in general are always always blamed for the way they treat their child and how theyre careless at some times and bla bla..but really..when you actually sit with them and know what theyre going through, its just heart breaking. They need guidance. And we are required to provide them with guidance and support and forgiveness for the little mistakes that they might do. I can not blame RA's mother for physically punishing RA because we as special educators are the ones RESPONSIBLE for guiding her through this very challenging experience. A lot of you might go like oh my god how could she lay a hand at such an innocent child and you would honestly feel sorry for him. But you would never imagine how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs. Not even myself, his teacher.
For now, it seems that I need to prepare a new IEP: for RA's mother. Its not about him now, its about creating a healthy relationship between him and his mother based on understanding and help her overcome this whole confusion state that she's going through.
As a special educator, as a teacher in this field, you find out that its never really about the child alone. Working with children with special needs require efforts with the child, his parents, his family, the whole team and community. We are very responsible for this child's whole life and we must interfere with all the aspects of it. Teaching is so much more than matching colors and shapes. Its about creating a clear path, a safe one, for this child to continue going through even when you are not around.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
in pain..
I feel so much hurt today. In so much pain. I just felt that I hate everything that has to do with the center. Everyone. Including myself. Its just hard to blame yourself for doing the RIGHT thing for a student, a human being. Those in the center need to be reminded that we are dealing here with HUMAN BEINGS. Helpless souls that Allah has created and will definitely y7asib whoever is not being fair to them. I've already decided that I'm going to shut up and lock myself in my cubicle. The only thing that made me leave my cubicle is little R. To leave, go to his classroom, hold his hand, and bring him in. And that was after receiving orders (which by the way were given by chance in the corridor).
I talked to the 'psychologist' very respectfully yesterday about why I DO NOT want to attend the first meeting with R's mother to tell her about her son's case. The ones who were supposed to attend were the psychologist since SHE was the one who told the mom that her son is perfectly NORMAL. Plus our director who decided out of the blues to invite R to my classroom last Sunday. And the social worker, just as a decoration. That was just yesterday.
Little R's mother came in today, for the second time, a day before her actual meeting. She pops in during classtime. Her face is pale, bloodless. Tears in her eyes. Her voice is not very clear. The psychologist acts as if she's in her very own classroom and asks her to STAY with R and the rest of us. He starts to cry hysterically and hangs on to her abaya. She indirectly blames ME for making him cry. She thinks he's normal and doesn't believe that any of the skills I teach in this class are important. All what she wants is her son to be in a different section, with normal-looking students, under the name of KG 1. She doesn't care if all he's learned last term was 'throw the tissue in the garbage'. She doesn't believe that her son suffers from any mental delay or motor impairments. R is normal.
It was very shocking. I just needed more time to arrange my thoughts. Going to the psychologist made it worse. I blamed myself for a second because I was the one who went into his classroom and held his hand that day. I was the one who kept on thinking of him all week because of what I've seen in his classroom and the kind of treatment he receives from his teachers. I was the one who wanted him in the classroom. Its all because of me. Well, these thoughts didn't last for a second, it was bit longer. Then I stopped, and reminded myself, "students come first."
I'm even more confused. Should I continue locking myself. Or should I make a big fuss of it? I feel like being stepped on. Its painful by all means. Everyone seems to blame me for accepting him in my class. Or do I deserve to be blamed? Anyways, its too late for that, and its too much for me to deal with. R is just one student out of 6 who still need me to continue teaching with my full potential. I'm not sure if I'm ready to fight a whole system which has been there since 20 years or so. A system that places the student LAST and specific people FIRST. A system that never appreciate hard work. A system that steps on weak people. A system that will never change.
I talked to the 'psychologist' very respectfully yesterday about why I DO NOT want to attend the first meeting with R's mother to tell her about her son's case. The ones who were supposed to attend were the psychologist since SHE was the one who told the mom that her son is perfectly NORMAL. Plus our director who decided out of the blues to invite R to my classroom last Sunday. And the social worker, just as a decoration. That was just yesterday.
Little R's mother came in today, for the second time, a day before her actual meeting. She pops in during classtime. Her face is pale, bloodless. Tears in her eyes. Her voice is not very clear. The psychologist acts as if she's in her very own classroom and asks her to STAY with R and the rest of us. He starts to cry hysterically and hangs on to her abaya. She indirectly blames ME for making him cry. She thinks he's normal and doesn't believe that any of the skills I teach in this class are important. All what she wants is her son to be in a different section, with normal-looking students, under the name of KG 1. She doesn't care if all he's learned last term was 'throw the tissue in the garbage'. She doesn't believe that her son suffers from any mental delay or motor impairments. R is normal.
It was very shocking. I just needed more time to arrange my thoughts. Going to the psychologist made it worse. I blamed myself for a second because I was the one who went into his classroom and held his hand that day. I was the one who kept on thinking of him all week because of what I've seen in his classroom and the kind of treatment he receives from his teachers. I was the one who wanted him in the classroom. Its all because of me. Well, these thoughts didn't last for a second, it was bit longer. Then I stopped, and reminded myself, "students come first."
I'm even more confused. Should I continue locking myself. Or should I make a big fuss of it? I feel like being stepped on. Its painful by all means. Everyone seems to blame me for accepting him in my class. Or do I deserve to be blamed? Anyways, its too late for that, and its too much for me to deal with. R is just one student out of 6 who still need me to continue teaching with my full potential. I'm not sure if I'm ready to fight a whole system which has been there since 20 years or so. A system that places the student LAST and specific people FIRST. A system that never appreciate hard work. A system that steps on weak people. A system that will never change.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
more ACTION
I can't believe how things change SO FAST at our center. Its freaky & very very annoying!
In my previous post, I mentioned that R & A were supposed to come back to my class, but guess what happened? I got two students back PLUS one more. Out of nowhere, little R showed up.
So little R is my number six! My class has become such a circus. I'm on my feet all the time trying to catch up with my new record: 6!
I received the news with a smile. No comments. Thats what I learned at the center. To receive orders, follow them, and stay in my very own classroom away from troubles. Ofcourse I had to go and check out little R's classroom and his educational plan that his teachers created for him. As expected, they didn't even bother to teach him. All he learned was: throw the garbage. I'm serious.
I always look at teaching as a mission. I look up at each student, and I believe that Allah be7asibne 3ala every single one of them. I always imagine, or dream, that someday, they will talk to me, and tell me how much I've affected them, and changed their lives. When I think of it, I try to picture a wicked teacher entering my classroom and teaching my students. She would come in, close the door, and no one, not a single soul, will have an idea about what she might do to them since they can not talk or express themselves. Its just between her and Allah. And thats what I always keep in mind. When I'm in class, Allah is watching me, and not being fair to them has made me feel so much guilty lately.
In my previous post, I mentioned that R & A were supposed to come back to my class, but guess what happened? I got two students back PLUS one more. Out of nowhere, little R showed up.
So little R is my number six! My class has become such a circus. I'm on my feet all the time trying to catch up with my new record: 6!
I received the news with a smile. No comments. Thats what I learned at the center. To receive orders, follow them, and stay in my very own classroom away from troubles. Ofcourse I had to go and check out little R's classroom and his educational plan that his teachers created for him. As expected, they didn't even bother to teach him. All he learned was: throw the garbage. I'm serious.
Here I am. A teacher of six students with mental delay, physical challenges, hearing and visual impairments. I'm loving the fact that I am dealing with students of different disabilities. Its adding so much to my teaching experience right now, regardless of the fact that I'm having a work over-load!
One thing that has been really bothering me about this 'over-load' is the way I'm handling it. I feel like I wana talk to someone about it, seek for advice, but I'm feeling hesitant about mentioning it to anyone. Now I have six students, and there is absolutely noway that I can spend an equal amount of time and effort with each and every one of them. What I have found myself doing is dividing them unintentionally into 2 categories. Those who may actually improve, and those who are hopeless. I found myself giving more of my time to G, little R, and H. Whereas A, R, and M come next. I'm not sure if this is right or wrong. I don't even know if I have the right to create such categories in a classroom where I'm supposed to be a teacher to everyone. Equally. I tried my best. I really tried. But G and H has been so much affected. And little R has already started imitating A's misbehavior.
I've been thinking of the reasons why I have 'categorized' my students. I came up with:
1. Family support. 2. Attendance. 3. Chance for improvement.
I always look at teaching as a mission. I look up at each student, and I believe that Allah be7asibne 3ala every single one of them. I always imagine, or dream, that someday, they will talk to me, and tell me how much I've affected them, and changed their lives. When I think of it, I try to picture a wicked teacher entering my classroom and teaching my students. She would come in, close the door, and no one, not a single soul, will have an idea about what she might do to them since they can not talk or express themselves. Its just between her and Allah. And thats what I always keep in mind. When I'm in class, Allah is watching me, and not being fair to them has made me feel so much guilty lately.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
"UPDATE"
http://www.alkhaleej.ae/portal/acea0169-8385-4855-9423-2c1cbc8224b9.aspx
Its been a week since the second term of my second year has started. Everything seems so quiet and smooth so far. I've been trying to focus on my 3 students; ignoring the fact that I was told last term that R & A are coming back to me. Finally. I've seen it coming.
So what I did is: prepare their IEP's, which by the way are the same ones of last year since they have forgotten ALL what I taught them and became even worse. What I need to do now is sit back, relax, and wait for my director to open up the subject with me soon.
Students UPDATE:
Its been a week since the second term of my second year has started. Everything seems so quiet and smooth so far. I've been trying to focus on my 3 students; ignoring the fact that I was told last term that R & A are coming back to me. Finally. I've seen it coming.
So what I did is: prepare their IEP's, which by the way are the same ones of last year since they have forgotten ALL what I taught them and became even worse. What I need to do now is sit back, relax, and wait for my director to open up the subject with me soon.
Students UPDATE:
- G has shown remarkable progress this year. She's such a cute fast learner who's eager to learn everything new! Well, everything other than language and communication skills. Thats her weakness.
- H is also amazing in terms of understanding new concepts and terms related to cognitive skills. But she's struggling so much with her physical movement because of gaining weight. Thats an issue I'm supposed to discuss AGAIN with her parents.
- M. Until now, I did not notice any improvement with him in all areas. Its so hard to work with him since he has very limited cognitive skills at the moment. I'm not sure if I'll ever achieve anything by the end of this year, which might actually cause little problems.
Career UPDATE:
I think I'm happy where I am right now. I thought, for a while, that teaching wasn't what I wanted. But when I got the chance to leave, I just couldn't. At the moment, teaching is my passion. Its changing me to be a better person, which would definitely affect my professional development much more than those so-called workshops that the ministry sends me to. I'm still learning every single day, even if I don't really notice it. Teaching makes me a happy person, and that's why I need to continue teaching and stop worrying about the future.
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